My thoughts about sexuality and marriage in heaven 

Matthew 22:30 and Luke 20:35-36 suggest that there will be no marriage in heaven. Some say that it only means no marriages will be performed, like https://leewoof.org/2017/01/12/didnt-jesus-say-theres-no-marriage-in-heaven/. But the idea that existing marriages will continue but no new marriages will be performed not only seems unfair for perpetual singles, but would defeat the point of Jesus’ response to ”who’s wife will she be?” because the Sadducees wouldn’t be in error of the woman still being married in heaven. The Sadducees didn’t ask about whether people would get married. Also, the Greek preposition for “in” suggests “in the resurrection” not at the resurrection event. And the verses are present tense, not future. It says “neither marry nor are given in marriage,” not “will neither marry nor be given in marriage.” The Greek word for “marry” is gameo and literally means take a wife. And the Greek for “given in marriage” is not a phrase, but a single word but I don’t remember what it is.

If there is no marriage in heaven, does that mean no sex? The Bible doesn’t say whether there will be sex in heaven, but it’s doubtful considering there’s no marriage. Because God designed sexual intercourse for the marriage relationship.

Does that mean there will be no gender? Not necessarily. Gender is an important part of our identity. And Jesus was still male when resurrected, otherwise Mary would have mistaken him for a neuter. And when Old Testament prophets like Elijah were seen, they were not mistaken for neuter. But the Bible doesn’t mention anything about women in the afterlife or resurrection retaining their gender. Also, “male and female he created them” from Genesis 1:27. And Genesis 1:31 says that all that God saw was “very good.” Some use Galatians 3:28 to suggest that there is neither male nor female in heaven. But that verse refers to something that is already true right now.

You might have the same question as me: Marriage and sex is “very good.” Why would God take away something that was considered “very good?” Because God has a better idea. And no, this doesn’t mean that God made a mistake.

See also 1 Corinthians 15:42-44. Why did God make Adam and Eve flesh and blood and not create them with spiritual bodies? But look at the Greek context of those three versions. Our old bodies are not only limited by time and space and the laws of physics such as gravity, we are also weakened by sin and its temptations.

Marriage and sex have two purposes: The first is companionship. The second is procreation. As for companionship, God told Adam ”It is not good for man to be alone.” In heaven, companionship may not be necessary because we will be surrounded by a multitude of believers. Procreation may no longer be necessary because there is no death and the Church is complete.

But singles wonder: What about those that don’t get married? Or that get married at an older age and never get to experience the beauty of young marriage? Or get married but not have children? It doesn’t seem fair that some people get married and have children and some never will in eternity. To make matters seem worse, compare Genesis 2 verses 18 and 24, Genesis 3, and Matthew 22:30 – all three combine to make something unpleasant. To many young people it seems a something that was messed up by sin won’t be restored to its perfect form. Likely God’s original plan was for everyone to get married if the fall had not occurred. Well, I believe that in the New Heaven and New Earth, sexual desire will be fulfilled one way or another.

I believe guys and girls will appreciate each other, even better than on Earth. I believe guys will appreciate the beauty of the female, and women will appreciate the handsomeness of men. Appreciate Their opposites. That’s the way God made us.

What would have happened had Adam and Eve not sinned? Would the world have been transformed? The Bible is silent. God probably originally created the Earth with a plan on improving on it later. For example, there was not a helper suitable for Adam.

God’s not arbitrarily taking anything but rather expanding it. Marriage is a metaphor for the relationship between Christ and the Church. Ephesians 5:32. Once we have the reality, the metaphor won’t be needed. Think about having a model airplane as a child and then flying a real airplane. Also think about a teaser trailer vs. the actual movie. C.S. Lewis’ thing about chocolate was a poor comparison. Just because you have sex doesn’t mean you abandon chocolate. An comparison that is tech-related is Windows 10 Home to Windows 10 Pro, and the older Windows 7 Home Basic to Windows 7 Professional and Ultimate. Or Windows Server 2016 Essentials to 2016 Standard or Datacenter. Or Office Home & Student to Office Professional. Or even Zoom vs. Teamviewer. My recommendations and ideas about tech are in one of my other blogs, https://itrecommendationsandideas.wordpress.com/, but that’s a whole different story. Putting tech-related things aside, babies need milk as an infant. When they grow up, the eat solid and semisolid food and drink various beverages, which is even more gratifying. Then milk is no longer necessary. Also, mud pies in a slum vs. a party at the sea or at Buckingham palace.

See also Joel 2:25-32 for yourself. Does it mean that God will restore to us the romance that the locusts have eaten? Or is that adding to it? Will there be intermediate compensation time/world (aion)? That doesn’t seem Biblically founded, but I’m talking about the String Theory, 10 dimensions, and Hugh Ross the founder of progressive creationism, even though as far as I’m aware, Hugh Ross didn’t preach or write about marriage and sex in heaven. Extra dimensions may be the answer to the clash between the Bible and modern science, but that’s another story.

Another thing that men may be thinking is that Jesus is male and men want a female for a partner. You know how men appreciate their opposites? They love women for being a complement. But people are not individually married to Christ. They are married as one body. Christ has only one bride, the Church. Another thing you may be thinking is that marriage is supposed to be horizontal, not vertical, and the relationship between Christ and the Church is vertical. So why couldn’t men be household heads anymore? Good question.

Will there be hugs and kisses? Yes, for sure. They may not be romantic or sexual. Will there be French kissing in heaven? The Bible doesn’t say, but it’s very doubtful considering there’s no marriage. Some couples including many Christian couples don’t even bother with open-mouth tongue kissing, even if married. But I’m pretty sure guys and girls will share short, small kisses on the mouths. Perhaps girls will plant kisses on guys’ cheeks, I don’t see anything wrong with that. Kissing on the mouth is not just between husband and wife as long as it’s short, small, and light. On Earth, many mothers give their prepubescent sons and daughters small kisses on the mouth, like one or two in a session. And uncles can do the same with their prepubescent nieces. But not beyond that. Passionate kissing is only for married couples. Marriage is not the only intimate relationship on Earth, but it is the closest on Earth. It seems weird that guys would just kiss any other guy, even more weirdly on the mouth. I still believe opposite-gender relationships will differ from same-sex relationships. Will we have soulmates in heaven? The Bible doesn’t say, but the Evangelical Christian consensus is that there will not be. Will women live together with men? Probably. Will women sleep with men on the same bed, literally speaking, not sexual activity? Seems doubtful, but I wonder why God would make such a good thing absent. If men can sleep together, why couldn’t a man sleep with a woman? Could men and women, as part of the Church share threesomes with the Lamb? They’d still be one bride.

Kissing between the same gender seems bland, especially when it’s between two men. Kissing between opposite gender, especially guy to girl on the mouth or girl to guy on the cheek, is more filling. Gay=dull.

I believe there will still be the trifold HHK – Holding hands, hugging, kissing, maybe the trifold could be called either XOH or HXO (XO with the addition of H for hugging).

Sexual passion is not sinful. It doesn’t inherently involve inappropriate fantasies. Adam and Eve presumably experienced sexual passion before the fall. God made us sexual beings. Matthew 22:30 says we will be like the angels. It doesn’t say we will be angels. We will be with angels, and that will be even better.

Will there be special relationships in heaven, considering there are special rewards and each person is unique? I’m sure we will have different tastes and each interpersonal relationship will be different depending on the two people.

Also, the culture before Jesus had a negative attitude towards women. But Jesus had intimate, non sexual, brotherly/sisterly friendships with women, like Mary Magdelene on Jesus’ feet. Jesus did things countercultural.

I believe heaven will be romantic… in a positive way. ”How romantic!”

The Seventh Commandment says ”thou shalt not commit adultery.” Adultery means a married person having sexual relations with someone they’re not married to, or a person having sex with someone that’s already married. For whatever reason, nowhere does the Bible specifically say ”thou shalt not have sexual relations with anyone that thou art not married to.” And ”sex aktos gamou” (σεξ εκτός γάμου) and ”progamiaíes schéseis” are nowhere used in the New Testament. But look at 1 Corinthians 7:1 as well as Genesis 2:24. Marriage was already instituted before the fall.

Our relationships will be enhanced not diminished. Physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual – all four will be enhanced. Those are the four buckets of intimacy. Sexual intimacy is not a fifth.

Isaiah 65:17-25 is sometimes used to suggest that there will be children born in heaven, but the Christian consensus is that it describes the Millenium because its descriptions seem to fit the Millenium better than the Eternal Kingdom, even though it specifically says ”New Heaven and New Earth.” I don’t know what the Hebrew words are or that they mean the same as what’s talked about in Revelation 21:1.

Maybe eros will be merged with agape. There’s a Greek word philostorge which is a merge of philos and storge. No reason to think that it won’t be in heaven. Maybe in heaven there will be eragape or agaperos or erotagape, a merge of eros and agape. Then the four loves will be merged into two loves. Everything about eros is good except the selfishness and animal drive. Agape seems more dull, but it is sacrificial love, but it’s not passion or indulgence. Either there will be erotagape and philostorge, or perhaps there will be a fifth type of love, quintessential love. There are familial relationships and romantic relationships and freindships on Earth, those are three types, maybe there will be a new type in the Resurrection life, a quintessential relationship.

Recommended resources: Heaven by Randy Alcorn, https://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/will-there-be-marriage-and-sex-in-heaven/, https://peterkreeft.com/topics/sex-in-heaven.htm, Tough Topics by Sam Storms, https://www.covenanteyes.com/2019/04/01/why-there-is-no-sex-in-heaven/ (read the comments as well), https://www.focusonthefamily.ca/content/why-is-there-no-marriage-in-heaven (read the comments too), https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/how-could-heaven-not-have-sex, Better than Eden by Nancy Guthrie, and https://precepts.wordpress.com/2007/12/23/marriage-in-the-afterlife/. Don’t rely on what Mormons (Latter Day Saints) say, and don’t trust Swedenborg! But take a look at https://leewoof.org/christian-beliefs-that-the-bible-doesnt-teach/ which gives some good points. That’s a Swedenborgian site. Look at the comments to those posts as well.

This may be subject to updates later, and I might add more, so check back in a week or two.

Feel free to answer questions in this blog in the comments.

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